Almost Lover
by Amazon Life
Summary: Songfic based on the same-titled song, by A Fine Frenzy. Thirteen's reactions to Cameron's departure. Spoilers for 'Teamwork'. Oneshot.


**A/N: **So, this is just an idea that popped into my mind as I was listening to my ipod on my way home this evening. Special thanks to Vanamo for introducing me to _A Fine Frenzy_, whose song inspired this ficlet. :) I hope you like it.

The style here is a bit different from what I've done before, so I'd really appreciate some feedback. Just keep it civil, ok? LOL

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I remember everything, every single moment we've had. The first time you touched me, so hesitantly, so softly that I wondered if it wasn't just my imagination, but your fingertips were really there, moving their way across my body. That day when we walked along the beach, the beautiful scenery before our eyes as the sun set over the sea, the wind blowing and caressing our skin. The time when you sang to me, your voice so sweet, putting words I could not understand into a melody that, instead of making me sleepy, made my heart skip a beat. The last time I looked into your eyes, and they were so full of sadness that I actually felt sorry for you, even though you were hurting me so badly.

_Your fingertips across my skin  
The palm trees swaying in the wind  
Images  
You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
Clever trick_

Can you really love two people at the same time? You told me you could; you told me you loved me, even though you loved him as well. I always thought that your heart was so big that there was no reason why you couldn't. But now I wonder if you just told me what I was wishing to hear. Because I love you, and only you; everyone else is just a distraction. And I'd never hurt you this much.

_Well, I never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me_

I can understand why what he did would have had such an impact on you. I can understand why it'd be enough to make you not love him anymore; it wouldn't be you if you accepted it. But why me? What has this got to do with me? I wasn't even there when it happened. And still, you're leaving everything behind, including me. And I have no choice but to say goodbye, but even though you're gone, your memory won't leave me alone.

_Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?_

The promises you made me, all gone with you. The hope that you'd talk to him as you had to me before you got married, and explain the situation, explain your love for both of us, and that he'd accept it as I did, even if for fear of losing you. Now we've both lost you all the same. The only difference is that I've done nothing to cause it. The pain I feel isn't any lighter than his. You'd always been so perfectly sweet, that the chance of you hurting me never crossed my mind. It should, however: these situations always have the same outcome, one way or another.

_So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_

I don't want to think about it anymore. Know it's not gonna do me any good; I know I should just follow on with my life as if you'd never entered it. You call me a few times, but I don't answer; talking to you will melt all my resolution. Still, the memories won't leave me. Every single memory, every single moment, it just goes on and on as a movie in my head. Things as simple as our walk along the street, and as important as the last seconds we've spent together, the way you looked into my eyes and said that you were sorry, and that you'd never stop thinking about me. I wish I could believe you, but right now I don't.

_We walked along a crowded street  
You took my hand and danced with me  
Images  
And when you left, you kissed my lips  
You told me you would never, never forget  
These images_

And still, as much as I try to hate you, and only God knows how much I try it, I can't. All I can do is think of you, and miss you, and wish you were here with me. Everywhere I look, something reminds me of you. Every word I hear makes me remember sometime where you said it. Every little thing brings you back to my mind. And, instead of hating you, I hate myself. For falling in love with you, for letting you into my life, for not being able to be without you anymore. And for not making that clearer, for not letting you know about the depth of my feelings. Somehow, I feel like it's my fault you left me.

_I cannot go to the ocean  
I cannot drive the streets at night  
I cannot wake up in the morning  
Without you on my mind  
So you're gone and I'm haunted  
And I bet you are just fine_

_Did I make it that  
Easy to walk right in and out  
Of my life?_

After all, I'm the one-night-stand girl, aren't I? I'm the one who leaves everyone else behind. Why should I care if you left me?

Except that I do.


End file.
